Drug Methadone

Question by Chloe: HELP! I feel like “using” today (I’m a recovering addict), can anyone help talk me out of it?
Is there some sort of hotline?
I’m a recovering Heroin addict. I’ve been on the Methadone program for 2 years (it was a last resort, I know a lot of people think Methadone is just a substitue but my alternative was death or jail) and I’m finally detoxing. I made the mistake of trying Heroin last week and discovered that I can get high again (Methadone usually blocks the Heroin effects (euphoria) when at a proper dose). Since then, I’ve gotten high 4 times. I want to use just one more time today! I KNOW, every addict says that. It’s all I can think about.

I just feel so down about everything lately. My boyfriend is a user and he is lying and saying he’s not using. He “nodded” off the other day while eating a candy bar. He turned blue and started making gurgling noises and grabbing his throat. Luckily, I just instinctively knew the heimlach maneuver and I gave it to him and a huge chunk of Milky Way flew out (just like in the movies). It SCARED me so bad! I yelled at him and told him “I hate you” because I was just so mad.

I’m 36 and I’m on SSI. I have a bunch of mental disorders (borderline personality disorder, bi-polar, OCD, body dysmorphic, severe anxiety, and severe depression). I can’t work because I just start crying because I think everyone is making fun of me and alll sorts of crazy thought run through my head. I’ve tried all sorts of meds. but never stayed on any of them for a long time. Heroin did help a lot especially with relaxing me and not caring what people think. However, it’s not cheap and I stole from my family to support my habit. I put my mom through hell. I know it would kill her if I started using again. I just want to use once more though! The initial rush is undescriable. PLEASE HELP!
And please be kind.
I don’t have children and that’s another source of my anxiety. I would like my boyfriend and I to clean up because I’m getting old and I was adopted as an infant and I’d love to have an actual blood relative and someone to care for.

edit- my “spell check” isn’t working so sorry about my bad spelling and typos.

Best answer:

Answer by sarah jane
you sound like a articulate woman and you sound very much aware of what getting back on it will do to your family. Leave the boyfriend, he sounds like a complete idiot and will just drag you down. Get a new group of friends and start taking meds and stay on them, it may be a long process to find the ones that work but its worth it in the long run, esp if the only alternative is heroine. Sorry to preach but its frustrating as you seem to have all the answers to your questions yourself right there, your just not choosing to do any of it?

Answer by Sean 🙂
First off, as an immediate thing for me to say-just think about it this way: you’re trying to clean yourself up. If you use today, “one more time,” what’s to make you think you won’t use it again tomorrow, just one more time. Try to install in your mind the fact that if you use it today, you’re going to use it again. That feeling of euphoria is like none other. And i know the withdrawal symptoms from heroine are just unbearable.

More deeply, and much more difficultly, not only do you need to get rid of this current boyfriend because he will only continue to have a negative influence on you, but you need to find someone who will truly treat you right. Which is very hard for a Borderline to do as they tend to not care who the person is or how they treat them…as long as they’re in a relationship and feel the other person loves them, they’ll accept the consequences no matter how they’re treated by the other person. Trusting someone with Borderline is the hardest thing to do, but if you can find someone you KNOW would NEVER hurt you and can only have positive influences on you, this will help you out immensely.

i don’t know what support system you have, but if you have ANY genuinely good friend that you can hang out with, and you feel makes you feel better and distracts your mind, hang with that person. Do things that can keep your mind occupied and off your current thoughts. Distractions are really helpful, if you ask me, when it comes to fighting all the bad thoughts, desires…everything…

It’s important to realize that you need to stay away from all drugs….narcotics and non narcotics, as extremely difficult as that might be. Borderlines are known to abuse drugs and/or alcohol, so if you can stay away from that stuff, for good, that’s one huge step in the recovery process.

It takes a lot of will power, but the final thing to do, and the hardest thing for a Borderline to do, is to seek out professional counseling. It’s not only difficult to install trust into the counselor, but just as difficult to find someone who will treat you, and Borderline (i’ll say BPD-but not to be confused with Bipolar) is both difficult to diagnose and is stigmatized.

i’m hoping i helped you out somehow. Outside of what i’ve just offered, you, i can only wish you the best of luck. i always feel so horrible for anyone who suffers from BPD, i think it’s the worst mental disorder for someone to have to suffer, and the most difficult one to recover from. If you can garner the will power, you can get better. But only you can help yourself-no one else can really help you outside of offering you support. It’s very important that you remember that…. xoxo

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