What Do I Do From Here? Serious Answers Only….please….?
Question by sicofitall325: What do I do from here? Serious answers only….please….?
I found out that my bf who claimed he was clean from heroin for about a year before he met me has been using on and off the whole time and really gave into it since November. Since then, we have been in debt, ive been having severe anxiety attacks, and he has even stolen money from me not to mention loads from his mother to supply his habit. I only found out that he was using a few weeks ago because he hid it all very well from me. He swore he wanted to change but has not gotten any sort of professional help for it and has been trying to “detox” himself and then get help. He said that he has been through detox and everything before and that it doesn’t help him. He wanted to go to the methadone clinic but they won’t accept him since he has been clean for a few weeks now and also because it is in the same town where he was going to get his fix. He has been drinking to mask the withdrawals and of course, that only made him worse…I have a daughter who I have removed from our home since
finding out about him and stayed with him because he said he was going to get help and get clean. I thought I would stay to support him until I saw that he was starting to get help and then bring her back home (he is not her biological father). However, he hasn’t changed and finally called an ambulance to go to the hospital today to get help for the withdrawals though I do not really believe at this point it was to get help and treated for his addiction. He called me and said that he was probably going to come home but I told him that I will be gone when he is (I am moving out and going to stay with my family until I get myself back on my feet) and that he needs to seek help for himself. He asked if he got clean could we be together, but at this point I don’t think so because I don’t think he wants to help himself as much as keeping me in his life. I don’t want to shut him out as I do love him and want to support him if he does take the initiative to get better, but how do I do that
and make him realize that I am gone and will not move back with him unless I see that he truly wants to get better. I don’t want to shut him out if he is ready to get help because I would like to support him, I just can’t be with him for my or my daughter’s sake. What would you do? Any help would appreciated….Thanks…
My daughter is only 4 years old and said yesterday that she hates him and even went as far to say “I quit Joe”…She came upon herself to call him Daddy…and now doesn’t want to anymore. I have offered counseling, going with him to NA meetings, helping him to try and get suboxone or into somewhere else that my prescribe methadone without putting him in an area of huge temptation like the only one we could find, said to go to the hospital (though he kept telling me if he went to the hospital it would only be a matter of time before he got the urge again) so I even thought against the hospital at one point, his mother found a place that helps those with problems but since they didn’t do methadone, he gave up on it too…Believe me to those who say to try and support him, I have gone way beyond my means to support him but I cannot help him, he has to help himself…It’s just hard to deal with someone you love so much when they have an addiction that is killing them on so many levels and
even destroys your own….
Best answer:
Answer by mustlovedogs
You have to leave. He’s not going to get better when he’s got you to pick up the pieces. Just go.
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<BR%20/>Tags: methadone clinic, whole time, anxiety attacks, Serious, biological father, here <BR%20/>
the guy is a train wreck………….bag him and don’t look back……..devote your time to your daughter because she deserves better.
You have to leave. You need to be there for your daughter. You did right by getting her out of that situation, but now you need to be with her, not forget her because you are trying to fix your bf. I know it’s hard to leave someone like that. You don’t want to abandon him to this, but in the end you need to take care of yourself. Tell him that he needs to get treatment and to call you when he gets clean (really clean), but until then you cannot have anything to do with him because he is bringing chaos to you and your daughter’s lives.
Best wishes!
Go to a counselor. Any counselor. Try to work with him. If that still doesn’t work, then leave. Move on. Don’t hang around. Eventually, you’ll be taking care of him.
just leave. if you stay do not let him stay with you or you stay with him and just do not give him money. tell him to get a job if he likes heroin so much.
well, talk to him about rehab.
its hard for adults to stop from their habits, but im sure SOMETIME he’ll get through it.
talk to him and beg him to stop! tell him that the family is falling apart because of his addiction, and his only choice is to quit.
my uncle has not much time left, due to drugs and alcohol.
his life is at risk, and most importantly, hes setting an examle for your daughter.
rehab and ALOT of support should do it.
make him feel cinfident that he CAN move on!
hope this helps.
The only thing I would say to you is to give him an ultimatum. Either get clean or get out.
We always tend to think we can change people. But their addiction is just that: THEIR addiction.
My mother and I are just this week moving away from my addicted father. She has lived with him for over 15 years, and nothing she has done has ever changed him. Addicts always put their addictions first. And if he thinks you’re okay with his addiction and that it’s not going to have any real consequences, he’s not going to stop.
I’m very, very glad you removed your daughter from this situation. My father’s addiction has had a very negative affect on me (I’ve struggled with anorexia and depression among other things) and damaging your child is inevitable if the father is addicted.
My mother is constantly regretting not getting out sooner. You can’t undo damage, but you can prevent it. You will not be able to change him. I’m sure he’s a great guy, most addicts are. But, I know with my dad, it’s always promises. And he has never fulfilled any of his promises to get clean. And if your husband has already been lying to you, I think it’s time he sees that you’re serious.
I’m sorry, I know this is long. But I just don’t want to see someone else struggle the way my mother has. You will not be able to change him even if you’re the best partner in the world.
I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Rehab
i think that you did the right thing. it’s not safe for you or your daughter to be there. tell him that he needs to deal with this before he can come back in your life. you need to think about you and your daughter’s well being above anything else right now. good job for staying strong!
Sorry to say, but as hard as it will be to leave, you have to! If he has been hiding this from you, what else is he hiding?? He will never be able to provide a good life for u or your daughter if he hangs on to his addiction. Your daughter deserves a better role model. It will be hard to separate cuz breaking up is NEVER easy. But you will look back in the near future and be so glad you did. You seem level headed and deserve better!!!
Its Your Choise DO YOU still love him if soo get him a counciler to help with his problems hes an addictt its not all his bad . . . . and if he dosent stop you have to choise do you want him soo much or not
ring up/meet your daughter and apolise ask her if she wants to come back just understand if she is a bit angrey/upset with you. .x
GOOD LUCK ….xXx
I am very sorry for his affliction and how it must be affecting not only the two of you, but your families as well.
With drug addictions, you have to first realize that his mind is chemically being controlled to feel a need for the drug. The more he does it, the greater this need becomes (addiction) and the harder it becomes for him to feel satisfied (tolerance).
Heroin addicts can almost never kick the addiction on their own. And even if his rational mind knows he is sick and needs help, his psychological and physical desire for the drug will be so strong that he will not be able to think rationally.
He may transfer his addiction to something else–such as alcohol. This is not a sign that he has been rehabilitated– it is almost certainly a sign that he will relapse once he has the chance or he will hurt himself with another drug.
If you get any inclination that he is using again, I strongly suggest that you gather a small support group of concerned friends and family and stage an intervention. Have everyone express their concern for him and their love for him, and find treatment options for him. There are various programs used for kicking a heroin addiction, try finding a drug rehab counsellor or psychologist in your area for advice on which programs are the most successful. You may want to ask this professional to be present during the intervention.
This will be a very difficult experience, but he needs to understand that his habit is affecting everyone who loves him and that in the end his choice must be heroin or his loved ones.
Whatever you do, try to remain supportive of his recovery. Shutting him out may drive him back to drugs. However, if he remains adamant about not receiving treatment, then you must begin to think about your well-being and the well-being of your daughter.
Best of luck, friend. I’ll be thinking of you.
you have done everything possible and then some, already. You have a precious gift in your daughter and she should be your only concern. SHE needs you. Bottom line: YOU are not responsible for his actions and his recovery. He has been playing you all this time and he wont change. He is blackmailing you into staying. you are right by thinking that he is saying he is willing to change.. its not because he wants to, its because he wants to keep YOU. If you love him, you can tell him you will talk to him WHEN AND ONLY WHEN he can prove he is completely clean and has been for a year. Seriously though, you need to get your daughter and get away from him, before he does something extreme and makes it so you can never leave!… He has done NOTHING to earn your trust, done NOTHING to earn your love. After you get out of that situation, you should talk to someone yourself and have a look at your own self-esteem. YOU deserve a much better life than that, and maybe you need help realizing it.. good luck!
And you are still with him, WHY?? Please don’t say its love. No kind of love is worth all that crap.
you know WHAT to do, you are just waiting for someone to co-sign what you WANT to do…
As a woman who has lived with an addict, I feel your pain and understand your love. There is a place I know of that has the highest sucess rate of any other rehab facillity because it doesn’t just end the addiction;it heals the addict. It is called Teen Challenge and there is a chapter in a place near you I am sure . Please check into it. What have you got to loose? By the way , don’t let the name fool you , it is not just for teens.